Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Uncharted...

So I didn't realize it had been since APRIL since I last blogged. Okay, well that's a big fat lie. So, SO much has happened since then so I'll try to make this blog as brief as possible.

The biggest change/development is that I ended my Engagement and Relationship with Tony.

Truth be told it has been a long time coming, but I was in denial and didn't want to hurt him. Sad fact of the matter is though, that we aren't good for each other. And if you are in a relationship that doesn't enrich you, help you grow, it's not good for either person in it. I'm not going to go into the gory details, and I feel bad hurting him, but it's for the best.

Part of my entire weight loss journey is realizing that I truly do have to put myself first. Even if that means being 'selfish'. Personally I think being selfish can be very good for us at various points in our life, and I think right now is the perfect time for me do just that.

I'm still weighing in at 230, but I'm okay with that for now. I want to lose 40 more lbs and I'm going to get there. Given all the changes and ups and downs since June 1st I'm just happy I've kept off what I've lost thus far. Right now I'm focusing on my continual emotional healing, and am just taking it day by day...

Another realization I've had is that when God closes and window, he does open a door for us. Right in the middle of me ending my relationship I got a new job! Which is something I've been praying for awhile now. I love it so far, and think it's going to be a great career and learning experience for me.

The new job isn't the only new thing in my life though. I've met someone, well he's an 'old' someone but this is a whole new chapter for us. We've been friends for almost 14 + years and I honestly didn't see this coming. But it just feels, well, right. I think that timing is everything and maybe now is the time for me to go for broke in love. Hell, I was so unhappy for so long that I began to convince myself that love, at least 'true' love for me, was never going to happen. It's funny how one text...one phone call... can change that.

This relationship is very, very new; and neither of us want to rush into anything. But, all I know is that when I'm with him I think anything is possible, and he makes me want to be a better person. If this isn't meant to be forever though, I'll be grateful for now, and for God allowing me to experience this type of love, even if it may be brief.

I'm not trying to be negative but the biggest obstacle we face right now is we live 3 hours apart. The distance isn't killing me just yet, but with each day I miss him more and more, and I can't begin to guess what I'll feel like 6 months from now... So I'll just take each day as it comes and just pray that if it's meant to be it will all work out. I'll have to just let go and let God, which for me, can be REALLY difficult to do sometimes.

I'll end this rambling post with a very smart quote I read by Actress Olivia Wilde. She ended her marriage earlier this year, and I think she summed up her experience perfectly. There is no finger pointing, no hate, just honesty.

"The end is not necessarily the tragedy. Staying in a relationship that is
no longer working is the tragedy. Living unhappily - that's the
tragedy"

Ciao for now!!

<3 - Mags

Monday, April 4, 2011

Thirty By 30...

So on May 29th I'll be 30. I can't believe how fast this approaching, and I'm embracing it! Some people may feel 'nervous' or 'anxious' to get to this age, but I'm not. The main thing I'm focused on is getting to Onederland.


On a good day I'm 25 lbs away from this goal. One a bad (ie: PMSing) day, I'm roughly 30 lbs from this goal. So, instead of making a 1 thru 30 numerical list of things I have and want to accomplish by my Birthday, I'm making a goal to get under 200 lbs if possible!


I have just under 2 months to do so, and I'm thinking of following Miss Amy's Atkins experiment... She's done great and it did work for me before. Plus, lately I've been severely addicted to Chocolate.


I hope everyone is doing well in Cyber land, and I promise to do my damnedest to update more! Sorry I've been MIA for so long.


Ciao! <3 - Mags

Monday, November 8, 2010

How Do You Sleep?!?!

I'm suffering with a horrible bout of Insomnia lately. I have no clue why or how to help stop this!

I keep going to bed at a decent time (IE: 9:30-10:00 each night), but then I wake up WIDE awake at like 2:00-2:30 am. And with the time change this weekend it has been even earlier!

This sucks, I have no clue how to combat this, I'm not keen on using a sleep aid. I just want to be able to sleep a full 8 hours...

If anyone has any ideas or suggestions please pass them along! This lack of sleep will catch up with me sooner or later, and I want to get back into a good regime before it does.

Take care everyone, I hope you're all doing well in Cyber land!

Ciao!

<3 - Mags

Friday, November 5, 2010

Forever and a Day!

Things have been NUTS to say the least. And before I'll bore everyone with a long, drawn out blog, I'll sum it up into three key events:

1) The Election is FINALLY over, I now know who my new boss will be come January. I'm very, very glad it's over with! The craziness of the past 10 months hasn't been good for me.

2) Since the Election is over I'm glad I'll be able to finally start planning the Wedding! Tony is a Godsend and letting us wait another year until things calm down has been a huge blessing for us. So look for more Wedding updates/info in the months to come. We're getting married in October 2011.

3) My baby sister, Catie was on 'Wheel of Fortune' this past Wednesday, and she kicked ASS! If you haven't gotten a chance to see it and want to, let me know! I have the show on my DVR

I'll update more this weekend, I have been a bad, bad blogger.

I hope everyone in Cyber land is doing well!

Ciao!

<3 - Mags

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Behind These Blue Eyes...

For the first time in awhile I'm not referencing a song, but I'm alluding to something a bit deeper.

My fellow blogger, and all around A-M-A-Z-I-N-G woman, Amy, asked a very honest and blunt question on her site the other day.

You can check out her blog here:
http://cheeseandsunkist.blogspot.com/

Anyway, she asked, 'What do you hide behind'?

That got me thinking. And anyone who knows me already knows I'm a HUGE over-thinker, so this could get quite distracting. But like Amy, the one thing I've always been using as a defense mechanism, and my 'protection' is my Humor. I started crying when I read her reasoning for Humor being her defense. Because it was the exact same reason as mine. "If they laugh with me, they won't laugh AT me".

It's so easy to use Humor as my offensive tool. If I can make someone I meet for the first time laugh, or think I'm witty, then I'll be put into that safe file of 'Funny Fat Girl', as opposed to 'Gross, Ugly Fat Girl'.

But while thinking about this I got angry. Partially at some others, partially at myself. One of the other people I got upset with is one of my Cousin's. He looked at me on Easter and asked me to 'not lose too much more weight'. WTF does that mean?!?! I deserve better than to be categorized into some dumb cliche. Or to be kept in some one's comfort 'zone' or level of what they think I should be.

And I'm not going to let myself be afraid of what others, family included, think. And I'm no longer going to be afraid of being healthy or happy. I think the past few months, partially due to stress, partially due to my fears, I've slowed down and somewhat tried to subtly sabotage my progress. But no more. I'm over halfway to goal, I'm not going to slow down or let my fears cripple me.

So since my Cousin's ridiculous comment, and reading others blogs, I've kept up three weeks of working out 6 times a week, for an hour each day. And doing so I've lost 10 lbs! I'm a size 20 pant and size XL top, and proud of it! I know that once I reach my first 'mini' goal of 189 I will be the size 16 I want, and hopefully when I reach my over all over goal of 170 I'll be the size 14 I've always dreamed of!

This journey is so much more than I could have ever thought or dreamed of, but I'm grateful for every moment of it. I'm a happier, healthier person because of it.

I hope everyone in Cyber Land is doing well!

Ciao!

<3 - Mags

P.S. Amy, the world does kind of revolve around you ;) Think about all of us that you've helped just through your blog!!!