Saturday, March 14, 2009

Emotional Recovery...

So I had fully prepped myself for my physical recovery from my surgery, but I realized tonight I didn't prep myself for the emotional part.

I mean, I'm definitely conquering my 'head hunger' and I'm definitely eating less, but for some reason I hadn't really connected with what my progress means, and will mean to me in the future.

This all sprung up on me as I finished watching tonight's episode of 'House'. I LOVE this show, and the ending tonight just made me think of my father.

So again I think of how proud he would be of me (or at least I hope he is)!! He himself struggled with his weight his entire youth and adult life. And the fact that I've chosen to take care of myself, and put myself first for once is HUGE. And I realized just then, just how much I miss him.

This June he will have been gone for 19 years. Yet, it seems like yesterday. He's been gone for so many huge milestones and accomplishments that I , as well as my sister have achieved. I know he was there in spirit, but I'd give everything just to see him once more. Alas, that won't happen in this lifetime.

So now I'm going to do my best and work through this Tsunami of emotions that has just taken over. It's made me all the more determined to succeed with my weightloss. I want to live a longer, healthier life. Not just for me, but for my father as well. That's what he'd want for me and my family.

On the upside, I'm now down 17lbs (since January 4th)!!! I am so happy with this. It's amazing how much more energy I have just being down this little amount of weight. Now I just have 113 lbs more to go...

I've started eating more 'real' food now. And I'm taking that day by day. Some things I've learned I probably won't be able to eat anymore, or at least not very often. And that is A-ok with me! Because these foods that I can't eat very easily are some of my 'bad' foods. As long as I keep eating healthier and now that I'm almost physically healed; I'll be able to keep losing 1 to 2 lbs a week. I just need to seriously up my exercising .

I hope everyone is doing well, and thanks for everyone's well wishes, prayers and emails as I approached and recovered from surgery. I am so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends!


<3- Mags

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