Monday, November 8, 2010

How Do You Sleep?!?!

I'm suffering with a horrible bout of Insomnia lately. I have no clue why or how to help stop this!

I keep going to bed at a decent time (IE: 9:30-10:00 each night), but then I wake up WIDE awake at like 2:00-2:30 am. And with the time change this weekend it has been even earlier!

This sucks, I have no clue how to combat this, I'm not keen on using a sleep aid. I just want to be able to sleep a full 8 hours...

If anyone has any ideas or suggestions please pass them along! This lack of sleep will catch up with me sooner or later, and I want to get back into a good regime before it does.

Take care everyone, I hope you're all doing well in Cyber land!

Ciao!

<3 - Mags

Friday, November 5, 2010

Forever and a Day!

Things have been NUTS to say the least. And before I'll bore everyone with a long, drawn out blog, I'll sum it up into three key events:

1) The Election is FINALLY over, I now know who my new boss will be come January. I'm very, very glad it's over with! The craziness of the past 10 months hasn't been good for me.

2) Since the Election is over I'm glad I'll be able to finally start planning the Wedding! Tony is a Godsend and letting us wait another year until things calm down has been a huge blessing for us. So look for more Wedding updates/info in the months to come. We're getting married in October 2011.

3) My baby sister, Catie was on 'Wheel of Fortune' this past Wednesday, and she kicked ASS! If you haven't gotten a chance to see it and want to, let me know! I have the show on my DVR

I'll update more this weekend, I have been a bad, bad blogger.

I hope everyone in Cyber land is doing well!

Ciao!

<3 - Mags

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Behind These Blue Eyes...

For the first time in awhile I'm not referencing a song, but I'm alluding to something a bit deeper.

My fellow blogger, and all around A-M-A-Z-I-N-G woman, Amy, asked a very honest and blunt question on her site the other day.

You can check out her blog here:
http://cheeseandsunkist.blogspot.com/

Anyway, she asked, 'What do you hide behind'?

That got me thinking. And anyone who knows me already knows I'm a HUGE over-thinker, so this could get quite distracting. But like Amy, the one thing I've always been using as a defense mechanism, and my 'protection' is my Humor. I started crying when I read her reasoning for Humor being her defense. Because it was the exact same reason as mine. "If they laugh with me, they won't laugh AT me".

It's so easy to use Humor as my offensive tool. If I can make someone I meet for the first time laugh, or think I'm witty, then I'll be put into that safe file of 'Funny Fat Girl', as opposed to 'Gross, Ugly Fat Girl'.

But while thinking about this I got angry. Partially at some others, partially at myself. One of the other people I got upset with is one of my Cousin's. He looked at me on Easter and asked me to 'not lose too much more weight'. WTF does that mean?!?! I deserve better than to be categorized into some dumb cliche. Or to be kept in some one's comfort 'zone' or level of what they think I should be.

And I'm not going to let myself be afraid of what others, family included, think. And I'm no longer going to be afraid of being healthy or happy. I think the past few months, partially due to stress, partially due to my fears, I've slowed down and somewhat tried to subtly sabotage my progress. But no more. I'm over halfway to goal, I'm not going to slow down or let my fears cripple me.

So since my Cousin's ridiculous comment, and reading others blogs, I've kept up three weeks of working out 6 times a week, for an hour each day. And doing so I've lost 10 lbs! I'm a size 20 pant and size XL top, and proud of it! I know that once I reach my first 'mini' goal of 189 I will be the size 16 I want, and hopefully when I reach my over all over goal of 170 I'll be the size 14 I've always dreamed of!

This journey is so much more than I could have ever thought or dreamed of, but I'm grateful for every moment of it. I'm a happier, healthier person because of it.

I hope everyone in Cyber Land is doing well!

Ciao!

<3 - Mags

P.S. Amy, the world does kind of revolve around you ;) Think about all of us that you've helped just through your blog!!!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

XL, Me?!?!?

So I decided to do a quick update for now.

Tony and I went shopping at Macy's this afternoon and I about had a mental breakdown in the dressing room. I took in 2 shirts to try on, one of them was a size XL. And by XL I mean REGULAR section XL, not a plus size section XL. And to my astonishment it fit! I started crying in the room, just because I was so happy. So I had to buy it :)

I've been kind of beating myself up lately because my weight loss has stalled/slowed due to stress and my lack of focus. But trying this shirt on, and buying it has really helped renew my belief in myself and how far I've come, and will go!

I hope everyone in cyber land is well, and you'll notice my new photo! I'm on the far right, and the other to lovely ladies in it with me are my baby sister Catie and mom, Jan. It's so funny but the more weight I lose the more I think we do all look alike. At my heaviest I felt like the 'black sheep' of our family, like I didn't fit in or look like them.

What a difference 85 lbs makes!

Ciao!

<3 - Mags

Sunday, February 28, 2010

I've Been a Bad Blogger...Sorry!

Man, when it rains it pours!

Sorry I haven't updated in so long. But work has been nuts (due to Ron, the KS SOS resigning), and family stuff. We still don't know who our new SOS will be and that's driving me bonkers. So I've just let go of stressing about that. Family stuff I won't elaborate on, but I'm just praying and hoping things will start to look up!

So with all this going on I've been slacking majorly on blogging and taking care of me. I only lost 2 lbs last month, well I had actually lost 7, but with all the sudden life changes I gained 5 of them back. Boo!

But now I'm back on track and am down 3 lbs more, thank God!

I'm going to keep staying on track and part of that will be sticking to my weekly blogs. They really do help me keep focused :)

I hope everyone is cyber land is doing well!

Ciao!

<3 - Mags

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Update

So I haven't written in 2 weeks, my bad!

At any rate I'm now down 75 lbs. WOOT WOOT!

Today I went to the Doctor's and had her give me the tiniest of fills, I was starting to get hungry faster between meals. And I figured a tiny fill would be okay considering I haven't had one since September!

Other than that I don't have much else to write, except that I've set a mini goal for myself to be down 25 lbs by March 20th. Then I can finally start wedding dress shopping!

I'm going to take it day by day and just do my best. My good friend Tabitha has started exercising with me, and that is always a huge help! I'm also going to see if a friend Cori, wants to join us. I think the more 'motivation' and support I can get, the better!

I hope everyone in cyber land is well!

Ciao!

<3 - Mags

Thursday, January 7, 2010

525,600 Minutes, A Year In My Life.

"525,600 minutes... 525,000 moments so dear... 525,600 minutes... How do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights and cups of coffee... In inches, in miles of laughter and strife... In 525,600 minutes... How do you measure a year in the life?" -RENT Soundtrack

Well, it's just a week away from my 1 year 'Surgiversary'. And I've had some time, thanks in part to my gallbladder surgery, to reflect on how far I've come; as well as how far I have to go.

To date I've lost approximately 70 lbs. This is just about half of what I want to lose all together. And to be honest, I had hoped I'd be down 100 lbs by this time. But life happened while I was busy making these plans. I just have to learn to be OK and accept that. My gallbladder surgery was the worst and best thing to happen to me this year. Why is that?

I realized while recovering last week that these past 3 or 4 months I'd lost 'sight' of what I wanted; and what I need to do for me. It's true that old habits truly to die hard.

Getting sick with gallstones, and not feeling like myself has helped me recoup and redirect my goals for this year. Today was my surgery follow up and my Doctor gave me the OK to start eating and exercising as I had been, prior to my gallstones. This is fabulous news! These past few months I wasn't able to eat the healthier things I should because any fat (good and bad fats) was causing my gallbladder to contract and thus was causing me horrid pain. Well, no gallbladder and no problems now!

So I have made a promise to myself. To take each day as it comes and not try to worry about tomorrow. Yes, I'll plan for my future. Hell, I have a wedding to plan ;) But for the most part, I will focus on making the best of each day. As opposed to just 'observing' it as I had been recently.

I am also so proud that I haven't allowed myself to GAIN, but lose weight this year. True my lack of enthusiasm and progress these past 3 months is because I haven't worked out as much, and I ate more carbs than I should, but I still lost. And, for the first time ever, I didn't gain. This is a HUGE accomplishment. In the past if I was 'off track' or lost my gusto, I would gain 10 to 15 lbs a month. Since I have my awesome Band, my friend, I haven't.

Today I've taken a stand and recommitted to me. And that's all I can do. I refuse to dwell on my mistakes this past year, and instead focus on my success of 70 lbs gone. And I'll relish in the fact that I know this year I can and WILL lose 70 lbs (and who knows, maybe 10 or 20 more)?!?!

I hope everyone out in cyber land is doing well!

Ciao!

<3 - Mags