Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Uncharted...

So I didn't realize it had been since APRIL since I last blogged. Okay, well that's a big fat lie. So, SO much has happened since then so I'll try to make this blog as brief as possible.

The biggest change/development is that I ended my Engagement and Relationship with Tony.

Truth be told it has been a long time coming, but I was in denial and didn't want to hurt him. Sad fact of the matter is though, that we aren't good for each other. And if you are in a relationship that doesn't enrich you, help you grow, it's not good for either person in it. I'm not going to go into the gory details, and I feel bad hurting him, but it's for the best.

Part of my entire weight loss journey is realizing that I truly do have to put myself first. Even if that means being 'selfish'. Personally I think being selfish can be very good for us at various points in our life, and I think right now is the perfect time for me do just that.

I'm still weighing in at 230, but I'm okay with that for now. I want to lose 40 more lbs and I'm going to get there. Given all the changes and ups and downs since June 1st I'm just happy I've kept off what I've lost thus far. Right now I'm focusing on my continual emotional healing, and am just taking it day by day...

Another realization I've had is that when God closes and window, he does open a door for us. Right in the middle of me ending my relationship I got a new job! Which is something I've been praying for awhile now. I love it so far, and think it's going to be a great career and learning experience for me.

The new job isn't the only new thing in my life though. I've met someone, well he's an 'old' someone but this is a whole new chapter for us. We've been friends for almost 14 + years and I honestly didn't see this coming. But it just feels, well, right. I think that timing is everything and maybe now is the time for me to go for broke in love. Hell, I was so unhappy for so long that I began to convince myself that love, at least 'true' love for me, was never going to happen. It's funny how one text...one phone call... can change that.

This relationship is very, very new; and neither of us want to rush into anything. But, all I know is that when I'm with him I think anything is possible, and he makes me want to be a better person. If this isn't meant to be forever though, I'll be grateful for now, and for God allowing me to experience this type of love, even if it may be brief.

I'm not trying to be negative but the biggest obstacle we face right now is we live 3 hours apart. The distance isn't killing me just yet, but with each day I miss him more and more, and I can't begin to guess what I'll feel like 6 months from now... So I'll just take each day as it comes and just pray that if it's meant to be it will all work out. I'll have to just let go and let God, which for me, can be REALLY difficult to do sometimes.

I'll end this rambling post with a very smart quote I read by Actress Olivia Wilde. She ended her marriage earlier this year, and I think she summed up her experience perfectly. There is no finger pointing, no hate, just honesty.

"The end is not necessarily the tragedy. Staying in a relationship that is
no longer working is the tragedy. Living unhappily - that's the
tragedy"

Ciao for now!!

<3 - Mags